Today is the day I send in all my paperwork for CCS. I got my paycheck from the elections and made sure to get a money order asap. I didn't need to spend it on anything else. I need to clean up the comic and mail it. Then all I have to do is wait and see. Ugh I hate waiting. But I won't freak out about it. Somethings going to give.

Thanksgiving was okay. I mean you can't go wrong with a holiday that let's you eat till you pass out. My mom made her stuffing which is my favorite dish and had a nice chicken instead of turkey. I skipped black friday because I am broke and hate crowds(they seriously make my hands swell up like balloons. I don't know what is wrong with me :(). Plus all I refused to risk bodily harm in order to get some damn junk. Black Friday is one of our worst traditions ever and it's even worst for the people who work there.

Saturday I got my essay and letter of purpose done, put in a application and met up with Tiffers and Ericka. The plan was to go to Melt (It's a gourmet grill cheese bar and grill) and then maybe go to the bars or something afterwards. We get there and the place is filled with old yuppies and there is a two hour wait. So we left. no one wanted to wait 2 hours, we figured we just come back another time. So we ended up some bar next door and had okay food. Wasn't that great or anything. After that we just got some liquor and headed to Tiffer's house.
Her sister and her friends were there so we hung out in tiffer's old room, where she had this sweet wig:



I look like a lion.

We just hung out talked and drank. My brother ended up picking us up at around 3 am. Me and Ericka were drunk. Just yakking and getting on my brother's nerves.

It felt to be hanging out with friends again. Not having a job is a pain in the ass. I didn't realize how much I'd miss working. I always had a dang job.

I have been working on doing some space girls based off of Barbarella. I love that movie and the costumes are awesome. Here is one that is almost finished:


I need a new sketchbook and need to work on my lettering, which I hate doing.

I haven't written in my journal because I haven't had much to say. Most of my random thoughts goes on twitter. But things have been changing which means there is time for an update.

First off I'm applying for school this week, the one in Vermont. CCS seems like it could be a really good fit. I'd be able to work closely with professors and get a more better understanding of what I want to do. I need to find a mentor or someone can give more of a push on things. All my artwork is done and now I just need to work on getting my eassay and letter of purpose together. Once I do that I'll see how it goes. And if I don't get into that school I'll go to the community college here and try to get into another school next year. Because I will get my degree.
With Center for Cartoon studies, I have to believe in my work and be able to express what I want out of school. My own doubts really have to move out of the way this time.

So with that comes getting a job. I need maybe two jobs to even remotely think about leaving. OR find a full time job but those are hard to come by. I might have a job at DSW if my references go through. And I had an interview today, that went so well that I have the 2nd interview tomorrow. I was my usual strange self but managed not to come off too bad. heh. I'd prefer the 2nd job but at this point don't really care, it's not about the job anymore it's about tons of other things. Do what you have to do in this time (rambling).

Anyway if I get a job and into CCS I'll start bringing my "A" game because I have a lot of things to look forward to. Which for awhile, I thought I'd never have.

I have been thinking about being older and having children. I think I'd like to be in my mid thirty's when I have kids. I also don't know for sure if I want kids really. Being the oldest of Seven kids and taking care of them for pretty much their whole lives, you tend not to think about kids of your own too much. I pretty much want independence from everything. I want to try and go back to school, learn something and be able not only to do better for myself, but for any future spawn I may/ may not have. I right now not having kids is best for me. and even if everyone around me are getting pregnant and creating life, I am happy just fawning over their kids.

I have been having alot of heavy thoughts lately, things that could change my life dramatically. I am tired of living in this day to day routine. I am not happy and I need to be happy in some point in life my life. Sorry for the emo stuff, I am not sad about life, i know what I need to do in other to get to some satisfaction. I don't think that life is gonna be "peachy keen" but if it's going in the direction I want it to I'd be happy to take on the strain.

And first things first,Me.

Got my new frames last week. And apparently I am blind. heh.

I am slowly trying to make better process in life. Sometimes you feel like you hit a dead end and it sucks the life out of you really. I am slowly trying to get out of my funk. Hope everyone is doing okay with theirs. I like to think about people who are pretty set. Nothing much happens in their lives and they go on to live these lives of 'living it easy'? Blah,too hard to think about really. But I am okay doing what I need to do in order to have a better certainty of my future. But goddamn why does things have to be so hard sometimes. Blah. I need a free pass every once and awhile.


I also realized I need to quit cursing so much. But I feel better when I do. :/


I have done something I should have a long time ago.

I got my licenses permit. Yes, me being 24 and not having one is lol worthy, but really it doesn't matter. No one ever thought to teach me when I was younger and then I ran out to a place were having a car was pretty much pointless. I got it today and was driving pretty well. I only made a small monior problem when I didn't slow down quickly enough at a light. Ooops. I do all my turns pretty well. Just need convince he keeps telling me. I just really need to work on backing up I suck at that currently. One step at a time though.

But I never thought I'd drive ever. It was never on my mind till last year and I had been hoping someone would teach me this summer and hey it worked out. So hey I have one small victory, learning how to drive. heh.

That means if I get into school in Vermont I could drive myself. Gives more reason to apply.

It doesn't really matter if things are uncertain when you know you have to press forward anyway.

all I have been doing is drawing mainly.
It's the only thing that keeps me sane.

Next week I have alot of job stuff to do. I'll probably take the next thing i can get because I need some money to move. This house is driving me crazy and I feel so annoyed and frustrated, I feel like I am stuck in neutral while everyone else gets to live their lives.

I know we all go through it, but this life is not life I want to lead.
So I'll just keep drawing. My last hope out.

hey hey, I have been catching up on journals and I'm going to try to comment alot more now that my internet is stable again!

So for those who didn't know. I never learned how to drive. The first and only time I ever driven was when I was 14 years old,on a crowded street,in the middle of the night. Yeah not a great learning experience. So finally after not driving for 10 years I got behind a wheel of a car last week and it went pretty well. I didn't hit anything or anyone and I was able to drive around a park a couple times too. I also got to drive today alittle bit more. I just need to work on my stopping(I tend to stop too early) and on not jerking the wheel. I am still not comfortable handling the car, but with time I'll be on the road with no problems.
I know I'm old and should have been driving a long time ago but whatever, better late than never, right? right?

I need to move by January. I still don't have a job which is scaring me abit. I haven't been homeless in forever and I don't want to be ever again. So I'm trying to find any type of job in which I can make some money to move. But I'm running out of hope.

Portfolio day is October 4th here in Cleveland. I am hoping to have a really decent portfolio by that time but I've been so unmotivated and stressed out about other things that I have been really slacking lately. Too bad I don't have anyone to kick me in the butt about it. I also need this portfolio to be done soon so I can send off my application to The Center of Cartoon Studies. I mainly just want to go there, but if things do not pan out there I'll be gladly to go somewhere else. (But the center is top choice.)

I feel once I get this stuff in order, things will be set. I am not even thinking about money for school right now because it's no point if I'm not in school.

Also need to get out of this city. Nothing to do,no one to see. This place is killing me.

And with that complaint. I leave you with art!

I have been drawing alot lately. So much that my drawing hand has been aching and I have to stop drawing. I took a couple of days off in order to relieve stress off it. I can't lose my hand!

Anyway I have a job interview again. Working at a starbucks in a hotel downtown. Since I didn't get fired I figured I'd apply again and lookie, I have an interview.

I also had a quick phone interview for the Art museum. It's only for a temporary position but I'd really like to work there because it is the muesum, the only place I can really stand here. I am really optimistic about me landing a new job. I really need a job so I can start saving up for school and getting the heck out of here.

Speaking of school, I applied to the city college here and have to go up there tomorrow after my interview. Everything has to be paid by monday sooo, tomorrow is the perfect day to go.

Going back to school means I'll be able to get my portfolio all nice and pretty for the portfolio day and get my gpa up. I am hoping I can find some sweetass scholarships for next year. Money can't be the reason for all my troubles.

Other than that I have been hanging out at home, being a harass by a dude I hope I got rid of and trying to through this summer as fast as possible.

My awesome was flushed down the toilet awhile ago. Now I just hope fall is half decent.

My patience level with everything is slowly about to explode. I am really just fed up with everything and don't know how to deal with anything anymore. I gotta get out of this funk ASAP.

Since I don't wanna whine..Here is some recent artwork I have done. I am atleast trying to so progess with that heh.







This is uneven I am going have to fix that.

More at my flickr! girlshovesboy.

I am trying to work as much as possible on my artwork. It's the only thing I have at the moment.

Been away for a bit.
had to clear my head..get things in order.
i need order in my life to progress.

Mainly just been looking for a job, lurking around Cleveland and wanting to get the hell out of here...
And i think will.

What's a good city to live in?

1.get the fuck out of Ohio. i'm not meant to live here. Not that I know where I should go, but I know it's not living here. Go west or something.
2.Apply my talent. With abit more learning i'm sure I'll be great at what I love to do. Why give me a talent for me to just waste?
3.Be content. I'd like to know how that is,thanks.
4.A little house. A place full of books,art,comics and a darth vader mask.
5.To be the adult I should be.

I got alot of things I want to get in order before I'm 30 and still maintain fun and sanity.

Guess all I can do is try.


And then complain.

I kid,I kid

I have been feeling challenged.
More or less bored.

Weezer and Brand new are both touring this year and it would be amazing to see atleast one.

I applied to some hotels lets see how that goes.

Anyway here are some awesome art that motivate me in some way:

junko mizuno





David Choe





Check out this sweet Invisible women staute by the rockin jelly bean.


And there is a new Blue monday comic out!


Nothing else going on but living and surviving. Yay.

or some fuckery like that.


So yeah, it has been known that I haven't been online really for months because of my old computer dying and lack of internet. I spent 6 months without it. When I got my new computer, I told myself that I wouldn't be suckered into online stuff and for awhile I wasn't. but the internet is so tempting and right there. Also I didn't know how much i used it until I didn't have it for awhile. But i suppose it's a good thing. I have been using it more for resources,ideas and crafts than the gossip/drama stuff (even though I still read it,I just try not to get involved). I don't know what I'd do without my computer and phone now. A child of the 21st century is never without one or the other.

I'm going to do an art post soon,But i just wanted to ramble for abit.

I have decided to start teaching myself the tools I need to become a better artist. I'm not going to get into school until next year,(I am going to take some classes here,just to take less wherever I go) But I want to be more prepared on my own. I'm a quick learner and most of the stuff I already know the basics of, but I guess it's more of learning it then putting it into my own style. Sometimes I let mechanics of things totally over throw the creative parts of my work and I lose my drawing in the process. I plan on working on this. I just need resources and a tutorials. My main focus is on photoshop. I think the more I work with this the better my work will be. Or atleast get me another tool to use. It's not like I haven't used it before, it's just not something I really stuck to using. I used it for school things mainly. But whatever it's never too late.

I plan on posting some things online soon. On good days my webcam can get really good photos. I managed to get some drawings up and even one through some basic photoshopping. They are going to be dark because it's still a webcam. I just want to show the drawings,get feedback etc.


Other Stuff: I'm more excited about moving on my own. It's time I got time to myself and my own space. Just mine. No roommates. Most places in Cleveland have one bedrooms for the same rent I paid in Chicago living with others. As long as I find a place with heat I'm good. I was also kinda scared to live on my own, me being a young girl and all,but I have to get out there sometime. I'm really holding out on a clerk/teller job. Not a dream job but something that's going to keep a roof over my head and money for things I really want to do. Life is all about alittle give and take. Yeah Cleveland sucks,it's not a city of thrills and adventures but I don't need that stuff right now. I had all the fun I can take from chicago. It's all about working hard and dealing with less drama. I don't mind living here until I save up enough to leave. i'm fine working and waiting. Besides I'm becoming an old woman anyway. I'm a social person,I'll go out when I want but not all the time. Now if only I found me a dude to do/explore/watch movies/have a laugh/create/enjoy things would be smashing. But I'm not complaining just as long as some things work out. :D

If this didn't make a lick of sense sorry, I'm high and have been really optimistic about things. Also looking at some other people's work (on livejournal and other places) it has helped me grow more bold with showing my own. I have been thinking about where I want to be in my 30's and where I want to be in art and I think it's time to stop fucking around. Mainly giving myself more confidence and willing to learn to be better.

but really I probably wouldn't have written all this without alittle help. :)

So yeah. People at work are fucking idiots and I frankly don't care if I keep this job.
I don't understand cliques. I really don't understand is grown fucking adults having cliques. Geez get a life. It's a dumb job not your life.

I think I'm done with retail. Screw it,I wanna be a office assistant or do data entry work or someting. It's tedious,boring, but steady work and not having be re-quzzied on everything just because i couldn't get someone to buy anything.

Buuut anyway.

I did a drawing today after I got home.
It's based off of Maximo Park's first album cover.
I don't know why i drew it. It's not anything great. Just something quick to put on my wall.
Since I don't have a real cam I'm using my web cam (as if you couldn't tell...)



( +1 )

I hate prismacolors. They always seem to leave streaks no matter how much I go over the drawing. And once I get the hang of photoshoping I'm sure I can photoshop it and it will look great. But only for the colors. I was trying to use mod colors. They don't seem to be something missing. I don't know what but I blame it on the prismacolors.

I'm trying not to get involved with dudes of old friends/enemies. Been talking to some dude for awhile now but he is friends with all these cleveland hardcore kids and I'm sure he's friends with all the douches. I don't even like him that much. lately I just been finding stuff to do. I knew I wasn't even going to hook up with the dude. So then all those dudes can find out. No thanks.

oooh so many shows coming that I will be going alone to. The perks of being picky and liking odd music. :/

Also i'm going crazy living here. If I have to be here another year I'm getting my own place.
I can't stay here no longer than till decemember. I have been out of my mother's house for 6 years and I should've kept it that way. I hooooooppppe, I get a decent paying job so I can.

Parts of my boring day

• 17:04 On mah way home... #
• 18:29 mann i need to get my hands on the new blue monday comics! why is the dang comicbook store so far away??? I miss Qumiby's! #
• 18:39 man, Ron's best friend Austin and his drunk mother are here. #
• 18:53 my sister and her boyfriend are always arguing. I should go smack both of them. im not in the mood to hear the bs. #
• 19:33 ericka your blue boobs are still on my facebook #
• 19:59 I want my hard work to pay off too. :) #
• 23:08 i think i found the way to make my printer work yay! #

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Parts of my boring day

• 13:47 smooth talkers. #
• 15:17 practicing my knitting. oh my productive. I think i need a drink. #
• 15:45 oh yeah if i get a better job/more hours I'm going to San diego con. #
• 00:55 oh how i love a man in a good suit. #
• 02:16 lol watching dead man on campus. #

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Parts of my boring day

• 20:08 mondays suck. #
• 21:30 fun with photoshop #

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Parts of my boring day

• 12:27 Dressing up for mother's day #
• 14:45 I wanna have a small house, wear dresses,listen to music,make art and bake cupcakes. #
• 19:05 Making brownies. #
• 20:46 Made an awesome mothers day dinner. #
• 00:23 Paper heart is going to be so cute! "the perfect date is taking them to applebees and ordering hot wings." #

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Happy mother's day.
I hope all the moms are there are doing good.


Spent the day with mother. Had breakfast. Watch movies. Now she's at the boyfriend's house. She'll have mother's day dinner when she gets back.
Course she's over there on mother's day..but whatever.

I don't like being tricked. Or pulled into situations that I could've perfectly gotten a warning before.
But i'm trying to be more open with people without being pushy about things. I am kinda pushy. That's because I am impatient.

Moving on, I have photoshop now so with some of my drawings already scanned I'm going to start playing around. seeing what comes out of it. Nothing gets done without alittle trail and error. I wanna say someting really dumb and cliche now but I won't.... INSTEAD I'll post music lyrics that kinda express what i am feeling now:

Manage to keep all my music after Chewy died. Good part of it needs to be ripped/dl'd/bought But I'll get it all back. I heard Thao Nguyen last year and I love her work.

( Chivalry )

And I got back into Kings of Leon, mainly this song:
( On Call )

Call me a dick,dork of whatever, but I really missed music. I spent a couple of months without really listening to anything. mainly for the lack of computer (Real odd how like if you ever have a computer you will probably always need one.) and my ipod dying I had no real way to listen to music. And I did something really stupid with my cd player, I let one of my brother's use it. Now let me tell you about this cd player, I had it for awhile. It was Sony walkmen disc player I got for Christmas. It was the only thing I asked for and got, that wasn't clothes. And I used it forever. I took that cd player with me everywhere. If you saw me coming, I was probably listening to music.It was the one thing I had that never broke down on me. I think I have gone through 60 pairs of cheap headphones with it and with my new learning of music and the internet. I gladly spent too much money on blank cds. I loved and adored it. It was like a love affair. But sometimes the love affair ends. I eyed the ipod.
Now for awhile, I kept to my beloved cd player, never had much love for anything Apple and thought nothing of the ipod. That is before I really used the ipod and got to realize It was what I needed and I bought one. I put my old walkmen away and went on my way with my new love. Then it got stolen. I'm sure it was my Dorm roommate boyfriend/friend's because they were total assholes and we had some words during the course of that year. Also they had this problem of keeping out apartment locked and letting who ever they pleased in. Like the time I found out her boyfriend had been living there over break, leaving the door unlocked. If i didn't come back early for winter sessions who knew what would've happen to the place. My Floor Advisor told me to steal something of theirs,very helpful. I was going to steal her computer but realized that would be really stupid of me and didn't,just took some of their food and dishes. :/
So I went back to my cd player and waited till I saved up money for a new Ipod. I eventually did get another one and put the walkmen away. I never thought to give it away or though it out. It just sat around. When I moved back to cleveland I let my brothers and mother use it. Then one day my brother left it at a friend's house. I know it's gone forever.
It's funny how much attached you can get to something without having any real thoughts about it.
Oh well.

Parts of my boring day

• 11:12 Happy moms day to all the moms out there! #

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